Towards a Better Me

I’m 26, turning 27 in a few weeks’ time, and today, I’m going back to school as a full-time student.

I’m happy and excited to finally devote my whole time and attention to the study of law after three semesters of rushing towards school for my 5 p.m. or 6 p.m. class from eight-hour workdays and fighting the urge to rest after class because I still have to study for tomorrow’s class. But I am also nervous and scared, now that I have no idea what is going to happen along the way, and am horrified because I am uncertain if things will be better after this. Will my future career as a lawyer be better than my accounting profession? Did I make the right decision in leaving my job and focus my efforts to making myself a lawyer? Will it be worth it or am I just wasting time and money for this endeavor?

As I was having these questions in my head, I am grateful that I saw this post. It uplifted my spirit and made me think that there is no need to be afraid.

 

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Photo is not mine. Credits to the owner.

True, I do not want to be stuck in the same place my whole life. To me, that is worse than not living at all. This quote helped me remember why I decided to go full-time with my law studies – I don’t want to be in the same place and do the same thing for the rest of my life.

I’ve always dreamed of becoming a lawyer. To become one, I had to let go of my job and get out of my comfort zone.  Thankfully, I have the best parents and siblings in the world, who will always support me in reaching my goals. I promise that I will become a lawyer, make them proud, and pay them back big time.

Also, I want to become like Harvey Specter.

Harvey_Life is this

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Remembering Atty. Skarlit C. Labastilla

It is always a mystery how a person can touch you so much in only a short span of time.

The First Meeting

I will always remember the first time you walked into the front door of Room 403. It was a Tuesday. It was my first day in law school and I already heard that our Constitutional Law professor is a tough one. You were wearing a blue cowl-necked blouse, black straight skirt, black close shoes, and no make-up. Simple. You walked briskly from the door to the platform, placed your keys (car keys, I guess) on the professor’s table, and said, “Some of you are standing, some of you are sitting and talking to each other.” Guilty, I slowly stood like my classmates but you tossed the stack of class cards to a chair at the front (some of which got scattered on the floor), told us to take our seats, get our class cards and instructed us to fill them up. We dutifully picked the cards up and each of us filled his or her own card, as instructed. You then placed a copy of the outline for the semester on the table, instructed us to photocopy it, told us that we will discuss the cases listed for week 1, and left, taking our class cards with you.

We were silent when the door closed after you. If someone was there to get a photograph of us, I’m sure we all had the same stunned reaction on our faces. After about five seconds, we started asking one another why you seemed so mad that not all of us were standing when you arrived. Almost all of us had the same answer – we thought you were also a student, not a professor. You did not even introduce yourself to us. I am still wondering if you really forgot to or if you just wanted us to speculate if the name on the course outline was yours.

Torture Tuesdays = Fulfilling Tuesdays

        I must admit, during that semester, Tuesday sounds like torture to me. One would not dare come into Atty. Labastilla’s Constitutional Law class unprepared. It would be like your life is at stake if you do that. She made it a point that we learn the provisions and the principles by ourselves and boy, she had a way of knowing whether we burned the midnight candle reading the cases or not.

When in her class, you would feel like you were in a courtroom. Your classmates were the members of the public (you would not mind your classmates because they are busy studying the next case while you are reciting). Atty. Labastilla was the judge and also the prosecutor. You were the accused and you are also the counsel of your own self.

Every discussion was as rigorous as you can imagine. When she asked you a question, you should answer immediately and your answer should have basis. I remember when a classmate just answered one of her questions without giving the legal basis. It was as if the wrath of Hera came down to Room 403.

But when you were able to answer her questions, expect to receive the highest of praise from her. She gave credit to students who helped her make the discussions go smoothly. She knew how to encourage a student to do more. She would really try to bring out the best in you. She would ask critical questions and expect you to give your best argument. She would motivate you to think out of the box, to see things in a different point of view, to view the facts at a macro-level kind of thinking. She taught us to learn the Constitution by heart.

You, Atty. Labastilla, were the modern female Socrates.

From a class down to four students

       We were more than ten in the class when the semester started. I guess we were around 15 students in that Constitutional Law class. After every meeting, students were dropping the subject. Yes, it was that difficult to get enough courage to face her every meeting.

Midterm examinations came and there were only four of us left to take the exams – I, Bam, MJ, and Wax. She said, “Wow, my class is like a Matira ang Matibay show.”

The Last Class Discussion

        Remember when you called me to recite the last case for the semester? I had the most terrible cold virus that week and I croaked when I opened my mouth to say something. It was embarrassing. Instead of making fun of me, you looked into my eyes (oh, how I long to see those eyes again!) and told me calmly, “It’s okay, just a few more minutes and we are out of here.”  That moment, I saw a different Atty. Labastilla. That moment, she was not the tough woman that I know but a tender, caring one. In those eyes I saw a comforting kindness. That moment, I saw the maternal side of her.

Heartbreaking news

I wish I did not open that message. I wish I did not get the sad news. I wish it was just a prank, that the news of your passing is not true. I was dumbfounded.

No, this is just a mistake, I told myself. I needed confirmation. I checked her sister’s Facebook account and that was when the sad truth slapped me.

Trying to find the words to say goodbye

Among the many things I like about you was your use of nicknames in addressing your students. No other professor will call me Che in class again, I guess.

I can’t describe the feeling of knowing that no one is on the other end to answer my emailed questions.

I still cannot believe that you are now gone. You were one of the best professors that I had. You know what? I was looking forward to enrolling in your class this coming semester. It would be another torture but I do not care if my heart fall out of my rib cage during recitations. It is all worth it.

Atty. Labastilla, I just want you to know that it was a pleasure meeting you. It was a great honor to be one of your students. You left a huge hole in my heart. I hope you are happy wherever you are now. Rest in peace, Ma’am.

If I Stay (If I Stay, #1)If I Stay by Gayle Forman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book hit me with great impact. The wetness of my pillow is proof enough. Even a part of my blanket is drenched with my tears.

Finding a good book is delightsome. Finding a good book that sets all your emotions in disarray, makes you wonder about life’s what ifs, and makes you beg for one more page,is heavenly.

Being a music-lover (classics and everything instrumental, particularly),this book got me from the first chapter. Everything was peaceful. Then, for what seemed like a blink of an eye, complete confusion. If I Stay shocked me when I got to the accident part. I don’t read book summaries and other whatnots written on a book’s back cover before I read the book so I had no idea that something big was going to happen. The events were so vividly described I felt I was on the scene of the accident itself. I felt like I was transported into the book’s own world. That was when I realized that this book is one of a kind.

Gayle Forman did a wonderful job by writing the book in the first person perspective. Personally, it made me feel Mia’s joys and pains vicariously. Forman’s profound writing abilities aside, writing the book in Mia’s point of view made an unbreakable bond between the book and the reader. The book’s brilliant simplicity is so captivating and the characters are really realistic it’s like I was reading about the life of someone I know. This is the first Gayle Forman novel I’ve read and she got me scheduling a bookstore visit tomorrow to buy more of her books.

View all my reviews

Prince Charmings: The Men I Can Never Have

Help! I am in love with fictional characters! With some real men, too, but they belong to the alta sociedad that being close to them or seeing them in person is just a dream.

A book lover since age eight, I had the idea that my one true love will be a striking, rich prince or a gallant knight in shining armor. Very fairy tale-like, I know, but I don’t blame myself. I blame the profound intuition of authors.

Like most book lovers and TV series fans do, I fall for these characters over and over.

  • Tobias Eaton a.k.a. Four of Veronica Roth’s Divergent series. The way he handles a woman as fierce as Tris got me. He’s someone in control in the midst of chaos.
  • Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Giving up his only wish for Hazel to personally meet her favorite author is very thoughtful. And this is one of the sweetest passages I have ever read.
  • Klaus Mikaelson of The Vampire Diaries. Seriously, how can anyone refuse someone with a British accent? He’s not totally evil, he’s just misunderstood. And when he said this to Caroline – 

“He’s your first love, I intend to be your last… however long it takes.”

       
         – I died of envy.

  • Damon Salvatore of The Vampire Diaries. An absolute arse at the beginning, Damon is now Elena’s hero. Nothing is more heartbreaking than watching your beloved in your own brother’s arms but Damon kept his cool from the start. 
  • Edward Rochester from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre. This is where the classic master-servant romances came from, I guess. Any woman’s heart will beat faster when her good-looking boss say this line from the novel.

        “I knew you would do me good in some way, at some time; – I saw it in your eyes when I first beheld you: their expression and smile did not – did not strike delight to my very inmost heart so for nothing.”

  • Liam Campbell of Angel Falls by Kristin Hannah. He is a loving husband who never gave up on his wife even when she did not recognize him after waking from a coma and instead asks for her ex-husband. Wanting his wife to be happy, he searched for his wife’s former love.
  • Christian Grey. Fifty Shades of Grey. I need not introduce him because I know that everyone knows him. Like most of those who read the novels, my inner goddess was awakened by the gloriously handsome Christian Grey.
  • Prince William. Yes, the Prince William, second in line to the throne of England. He is my first crush. When I see a magazine where he is on the cover, I’ll buy it in a heartbeat. When they announced his engagement to Kate Middleton, I got fever the next day.
  • Pete Cashmore. Mr. Mashable. Smart. Attractive. Extremely wealthy. What else can a woman ask for? I am so jealous of his girlfriend. But I hope the best for them.
Life is not a fairy tale. I am old enough to know that. But a woman can always dream and these dreams are the spices of life.

I’m Sorry

When another girl sent your boyfriend “I miss you”, wouldn’t you be pissed off?

I logged in to Facebook this afternoon using my boyfriend’s account and saw that there was an unopened message. The message was from a girl, his former classmate, telling him that she misses him. Of course, I got mad. I told my boyfriend that I am angry but he also got angry with me.

OK, I know I overreacted. But really, I think I only reacted the way a girlfriend should react.

I hate it when he gets too close to his classmates. I hate to know that he enjoys their company more than mine. I get mad when another girl touches him, texts him about anything that is not school-related.

The problem is I believe I started all these. I broke up with him and he started to go out with his classmates. From then onwards, he got close to them. 

If only I can turn back time.

I messed up. Now, I have to understand that he doesn’t wholly belong to me anymore, that he already has this circle of friends. It’s not anymore like before when I was the only one he tells his problems to, the only one with whom he can be himself. All I can think of now is how unfair this situation is. Because I am still the same me. My world revolves around him and him only. 

I never ceased to love him. God knows that. I never stopped caring. But why do I feel like I’m not his everything anymore?

Hola!

A month after creating this blog, I still can’t think of anything relevant to write about. (Sighs)


Maybe tomorrow will be an inspiring day for me. Got to continue reading the novel I am half-way finished now. (Oh, a thinking bulb!) I could share something about the books I read! But first things first. I have to finish reading the one I am currently reading.

I’m so excited to finally get to post something!